


TommyInnit forced you to join a groupchat

by thatisnotpoggers



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Catholic Guilt, Chatting & Messaging, DadSparklez, Dadza, Duck Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, F/F, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, Foolish and Quackity friendship supremacy, GIVE IT TIME, I think it's a given but massive language warning, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Sex, It's not huge though so don't worry, Karlnap are walking a fine line of friends and lovers man, LGBTQ+ is pogchamp, M/M, Mutual Pining, Niki is so smart, Pet Names, Pining, Puffy & Schlatt siblings, Quackity is short, Ranboo & Tubbo are Platonic Husbands, Religious Conflict, Sam | Awesamdude is Alexis | Quackity's Parent, Schaltt is in fucking DENIAL, Sex Jokes, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, So many friendships, So much flirting, Taco Bell, Texting, That makes me happy, awesamdad, big day for the rainbow community, current relationship/character tags may change, feral boys are best boys, horny idiots trying to flirt, i can't believe that's a tag, the relationships will happen, this is gonna be so British I apologies, this is just me having fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29889168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatisnotpoggers/pseuds/thatisnotpoggers
Summary: Just another group chat fic, but this time it's the DSMP! This is just something fun I'm gonna do in my spare time so don't expect an extremely consistent upload schedule.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt, Cara | CaptainPuffy/Niki | Nihachu, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 10
Kudos: 161





	1. GeorgeNotFound is a Tory

**Author's Note:**

> For plot convenience, the nationalities are the same but they all live in America. Some people have been aged a bit to fit the plot too :)  
> Obviously, this is the SMP characters and not the real people.  
> The characters will be gradually introduced.  
> Here are all the nicknames for you:  
> Dream: teletubby  
> George: askersnotfound  
> Sapnap: hottestmanhere  
> Tommy: igetsomanywomen  
> Tubbo: boyswillbebees  
> Ranboo: minuteman  
> Wilbur: mymeowmeow  
> Techno: SunTzu  
> Phil: PhilzaMinecraft  
> Jack: AYUP  
> Quackity: fatassmofo  
> Foolish: obamaalt  
> Schlatt: JaylorSchwift  
> Charlie: lizardman  
> Karl: THATKILLSPEOPLE!!  
> Bad: themuffinman  
> Skeppy: Rihanna  
> Fundy: foxyman  
> Niki: nikikiwannakiki  
> Puffy: motherduck

**igetsomanywomen added lizardman to “Get the FUCK out I’m playing Minecraft!”**

teletubby: who gave Tommy admin

igetsomanywomen: I did it myself because I am a god

teletubby: oh come on now, don’t delude yourself 

igetsomanywomen: HEY BITCH I CAN FEEL THE PATRONISING TONE FROM HERE DONT COME AT ME WITH THAT TONE, FUCKER

themuffinman: language Tommy!!

teletubby: seriously, who gave him admin

lizardman: hey I literally have no idea why I’m here, I can leave if you want haha

igetsomanywomen: NO

askersnotfound: yes.

themuffinman: GEORGE NO.

hottestmanhere: Sorry about him, he’s not had his 3rd nap of the day. He’s a little grumpy.

lizardman: THIRD??

igetsomanywomen: IGNORE THEM CHARLIE THEYRE ALL PUSSYS!! 

boyswillbebees: :(

igetsomanywomen: not you Tubbo, you’re cool 

boyswillbebees: :)

lizardman: why am I here again Tommy?

mymeowmeow: CAUSE YOU LOOK DISHY AS FUCK MAN, WE NEED SOME GOOD LOOKS IN THIS GROUPCHAT, IT'S LACKING

hottestmanhere: LACKING??

askersnotfound: Dishy? I don’t get it

mymeowmeow: George. George is this the part where you’re a Tory

AYUP: HAHAHA GEORGE IS A TORY! GO HANG OUT WITH JAMES 

askersnotfound: I’m not a Tory!!

motherduck: hey guys let’s calm down, you don’t want to scare off the new person! 

igetsomanywomen: ok MOTHER

hottestmanhere: literally, not your mom??

hottestmanhere: I’d know cause I’ve met her

igetsomanywomen: you just haven’t though

hottestmanhere: no I totally did, I was at your house last night

hottestmanhere: Ohhhh it must’ve been past your bedtime

igetsomanywomen: I HAVE NO BEDTIME FUCKER I MAKE MY OWN RULES YOU SUCK 

hottestmanhere: that’s what she said

themuffinman: LANGUAGE TOMMY!!

hottestmanhere: Tell your mother I miss her ;)

igetsomanywomen: my mother is a refrigerator sapnap.

hottestmanhere: oh

lizardman: SO HI IM CHARLIE- I think I know a quite few of you, I go to the same college as Wilbur which is why I know you lot

teletubby: ok he can stay

lizardman: thank you uhh man?

teletubby: you can call me Dream :)

lizardman: that smile is strangely ominous but you know what, I’m just going to gloss past it

minuteman: tell me about it.

themuffinman: Hey guys! We should introduce ourselves with a little fact owo

askersnotfound: literally, no one asked 

igetsomanywomen: that sounds dumb

boyswillbebees: I think it sounded pretty cool…

igetsomanywomen: YEAH WHAT TUBBO SAID, FUCK YOU GEORGE THAT WAS SOMETHING ONLY PUSSYS WOULD SAY

boyswillbebees: YEAH GEORGE

askersnotfound: why do I always get ganged up on. Is it because I’m colourblind?

igetsomanywomen: ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB AND GET NO WOMEN

motherduck: TOMMY TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK AND STOP BEING RUDE TO GEORGE. Don’t make me drag your father into this chat.

igetsomanywomen: HE STARTED IT

askersnotfound: I DID NOT YOU JUST ATTACKED ME OUT OF NOWHERE 

igetsomanywomen: MAYBE IT JUST LOOKED LIKE IT WAS OUT OF NOWHERE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE BITCH BOY

askersnotfound: I’M COLOURBLIND NOT BLIND 

hottestmanhere: Wilbur please restrain your brother

mymeowmeow: Tommy stop being homophobic 

igetsomanywomen: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC!!

boyswillbebees: I’d be concerned and confused if you were-

Igetsomanywomen: no. I love the rainbow community. They are pog champ. and I will beat anyone who says otherwise.

hottestmanhere: STRAIGHT UP MAN FUCK HOMOPHOBIA 

hottestmanhere: wait hold up, I did not want to use the word straight there ew

motherduck: Speaking of the “rainbow community” as Tommy put it, hi my name is Puffy! I’m sort of like the group chat’s mother and everyone in it is like my little ducklings :D

themuffinman: quack

hottestmanhere: on Alex’s behalf I’m saying shut up

themuffinman: ;-; that’s just not nice Sapnap 

hottestmanhere: do I look like I care? Stupid bitch-

themuffinman: I’m Bad :D I like baking, especially for my friends, muffins specifically

igetsomanywomen: wow I never would’ve guessed ‘themuffinman’

mymeowmeow: Tommy your name is literally ‘igetsomanywomen’, some people like to lie in their usernames 

igetsomanywomen: SHUT UP WILBUR, I DO GET WOMEN BECAUSE I AM A MANLY MAN WHO WOMEN JUST LOVE

igetsomanywomen: I AM THE ALPHA MALE

hottestmanhere: BAHAHAHAHA

mymeowmeow: Tommy where did you learn that-

igetsomanywomen: idk I heard George Memeulous say it

mymeowmeow: of course you did.

motherduck: anyone else want to go?

askersnotfound: George.

lizardman: yeah I know, I’ve met you man

askersnotfound: wait, what?

lizardman: yeah I remember you from that time Wilbur got me to drive him to meet up with you

askersnotfound: YOU WERE THE GUY WITH THE YELLOW CAR??

lizardman: yellow?

mymeomeow: colourblind 

lizardman: oh yeah, it’s neon green but yes that was me

teletubby: the more you talk, the more I think we’re gonna be good friends

hottestmanhere: I think I’m the last person online rn who you don’t know. I’m Sapnap, I got 2 fucking fiancées! One of them I’m married to, you gotta guess which one.

lizardman: man, I guess you are the hottest man here if get all the women

igetsomanywomen: not as many as me

hottestmanhere: men

lizardman: ?

hottestmanhere: they’re men

lizardman: oh sorry man I didn’t mean to assume

hottestmanhere: nah man it’s jokes dw. We aren’t actually married 

askersnotfound: he wants to to be though

hottestmanhere: Shut up Gogy

askersnotfound: I’m just saying.

igetsomanywomen: YOU ALREADY KNOW ALL THE BRITS WHICH MEANS YOU'RE COOL BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE SHIT AND THERE WE GO THAT'S EVERYONE IMPORTANT!

minuteman: uh I haven’t spoken

igetsomanywomen: shut up Ranboo

igetsomanywomen: there now he knows your name, moving on

minuteman: ):

boyswillbebees: Tommy that’s my husband what the heck man D:

igetsomanywomen: your what sorry 

boyswillbebees: we got married while you were in prison 

igetsomanywomen: you what mate

lizardman: I’m sorry what??

igetsomanywomen: CHARLIÉÉÉ Dream started a Minecraft server for just his mates 

igetsomanywomen: it started out with us just messing around but then Wilbur joined and made a plot and shit

igetsomanywomen: we have LORE, big man, we really have to catch you up

lizardman: how did I literally not know about any of this!? I hang out with Wilbur and all of you so much-

mymeowmeow: you’re always doing work or sleeping man

askersnotfound: I vibe with that

hottestmanhere: you do no work, you literally copy everything from Dream and Karl

lizardman: *tired broadcast media production student sigh*

mymeowmeow: did you just use asterisks, redditor (offensive)

lizardman: I regretted it immediately.

igetsomanywomen: I have a suggestion 

igetsomanywomen: Dream

teletubby: yes?

igetsomanywomen: Dream whitelist Charlie rn

teletubby: ok

igetsomanywomen: POGCHAMP

boyswillbebees: AYYYY POGGERS

AYUP: POGGURES CHARLIE ON THE DSMP

lizardman: can’t wait to vore this red thing with slime

mymeowmeow: you what mate-


	2. I DON'T SPEAK TACO BELL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl Jacobs in a bathroom at a Taco Bell (NOT CLICKBAIT) (GONE WRONG) (VERY SAD)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy I didn't expect to post again so soon but these are fun as fuck to write so here we are! Thank you all so much for the Kudos, my gosh! I did not expect this, yall are awesome! Probably not an update again for a bit but I hope this will last you lot for now.

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: hey guys!

hottestmanhere: Hey Karl! :DDD

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: so something incredibly sad just happened…

boyswillbebees: oh no D:

lizardman: I ALREADY APOLOGISED FOR TRYING TO VORE “THE EGG”, AS BAD CALLED IT, WITH SLIME IM S O R R Y

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: what? I’m not gonna question that I’m just going to move on.

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: also hi, I’m sure you are wishing as much as I am that that wasn’t our first interaction- IM KARL HELLO XX

lizardman: I’m glad you feel the same way, hi I’m Charlie!

boyswillbebees: are you ok Karl?

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: good question 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: not sure

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: we’ll see in the foreseeable future

hottestmanhere: Karl, do you need any help? Do you need me to come over?

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: no I’m out rn but thank you Sapnap x

hottestmanhere: ok ok explain?

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: basically 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I was hanging out 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: with Chris

askersnotfound: GET ON WITH IT SEND IT IN ONE MESSAGE

hottestmanhere: HEY GEORGE THAT’S MY FUCKING FIANCÉ SHUT THE. F U C K UP.

hottestmanhere: I WILL BEAT YOU UP GEORGENOTFOUND

hottestmanhere: DON'T TEST ME

lizardman: are you guys always like this-

hottestmanhere: yes

askersnotfound: yes

teletubby: yes. get used to it

igetsomanywomen: they are and it is very annoying 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: and basically we were hungry, so we decided to go and get some Taco Bell

minuteman: good choice :D

boyswillbebees: Idk I prefer McDonald’s 

minuteman: but Taco Bell is so good, McDonald's is kinda basic yk?

boyswillbebees: no, I don’t know. I think McDonald's is much better

minuteman: is this our first fight?

minuteman: are we fighting?

boyswillbebees: are we?

igetsomanywomen: yes you are I think you should get a divorce 

minuteman: suddenly I don’t think we’re arguing anymore 

boyswillbebees: yay I’m so glad!! :D

igetsomanywomen: stop using the same dumb fucking emoticons 

boyswillbebees: Tommy please, you’re not being very nice lately 

mymeowmeow: Tommy say sorry to Tubbo

igetsomanywomen: I’m sorry Tubbo...

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: GUYSSSS MY STORYYYYYY

hottestmanhere: PAY ATTENTION TO MY MAN

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: ily mwa mwa mwa! So we were getting food 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: and I was like, you know what, I'm actually really hungry today and I haven’t had Taco Bell in a while so I’m going to treat myself to something nice and get a lot of food!

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: and when I say we got a lot, I mean we got a honking lot. We got chalupas, quesadillas, crunchy tacos, nachos, burritos, fries, cinnamon twists, churros with caramel and chocolate sauce.

hottestmanhere: you’re making me so hungry dude that sounds so fucking good

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I KNOW

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: So we ordered all that and I was so hyped, giddy and jittery

hottestmanhere: you are adorable Karl

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: SAPNAP •///• Now is not the time!!

hottestmanhere: it’s always the time

askersnotfound: stop flirting and just get on with it

teletubby: ^^^

hottestmanhere: OH LIKE YOU TWO CAN TALK

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: So it’s finally ready and I’m so ready to just EAT

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I pick up the tray 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I walk over to our seats

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Everything’s going good

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Then I fall over and spill everything.

hottestmanhere: KARL NOOOOO

boyswillbebees: NOOOOOOO THE TACO BELL

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I KNOW

askersnotfound: that’s all this was leading up to. That’s what we were all waiting for. 

themuffinman: George, that's so rude! Do you know how much that most have cost?! I’m so sorry that happened Karl :(

igetsomanywomen: maybe you should stop being clumsy

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I WAS BEING CAREFUL I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED 

askersnotfound: you fell, is what happened 

motherduck: oh Karl I’m so sorry sweetie x

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: and I’m currently hiding in the bathroom from embarrassment.

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Chris has been knocking on the door saying it’s ok to come out but I don’t wanna

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: of course I’m sad about the money but I’m even sadder that people had spent so long making that food and I just wasted it and now they also have to clean it up off the floor :’(

hottestmanhere: Karl you are so flipping sweet and compassionate, what the heck

teletubby: flipping?

hottestmanhere: ew Bad is rubbing off on me

themuffinman: D:

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: ew what the honk Bad, that’s my fiancé

themuffinman: wait hu?

motherduck: Karl, my advice is just go out with pride, apologies and ask if there’s any way that you can help them. It’s clear that you’re very sorry and I’m sure this happens very frequently so don’t feel bad about it hun x

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Thank you Puffy x I think I’m gonna splash my face with some water then go out and apologise :]

motherduck: glad I could help Karl :D

obamaalt: HEY GUYS IM IN TACO BELL AND SOME GUY JUST FUCKING FELL OVER THAT WAS SO FUNNY

hottestmanhere: FOOLISH WHAT THE HELL MAN

obamaalt: what?

hottestmanhere: SCROLL UP THAT WAS KARL

obamaalt: oh

obamaalt: KARL MAN THAT WAS SO FUNNY HAHAHA BRIGHTENED MY DAY

hottestmanhere: FOOLISH

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: you know what Foolish? You’re actually kind of right that was pretty funny now I think about it in retrospect

igetsomanywomen: what does that word mean

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Chris calmed me down a lot more. We went and spoke to the workers who were super nice! We both helped clean up and they gave me a discount code!

motherduck: Well that’s good!

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I am, however, still hungry but too embarrassed to go order something again from there rn

hottestmanhere: I mean, I’ll meet up with you and Chris and we can go to get Chick-fil-a? 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I’d like that Sapnap :D

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Foolish is tagging along too! Anyone else want to come?

igetsomanywomen: I WANT TO

boyswillbebees: ME TOO

mymeowmeow: Tommy, absolutely not.

igetsomanywomen: YOU AREN'T PHIL, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

**mymeowmeow added PhilzaMinecraft to “Get the FUCK out I’m playing Minecraft!”**

PhilzaMinecraft: Hi son, why am I here?

mymeowmeow: Tommy wants to go to Chick-fil-a

PhilzaMinecraft: Tommy, have you done your essay?

igetsomanywomen: no Phil

PhilzaMinecraft: No Chick-fil-a till you do your work

igetsomanywomen: yes Phil

boyswillbebees: :(

obamaalt: Gosh, I can’t imagine calling my parents by their first names

mymeowmeow: It’s just how it’s always been in our family idk man

mymeowmeow: on another note, I’ll come! 

JaylorSchwift: I bet you will

hottestmanhere: here we go-

mymeowmeow: are you gonna come Schlatt?

JaylorSchwift: No, no I’m not gonna come Wilbur

mymeowmeow: calm down man, I just wanted to know if you were gonna come

JaylorSchwift: NO WILBUR I’M NOT COMING! WHY WOULD I COME? 

mymeowmeow: OK FINE. I’m gonna MAKE you come.

JaylorSchwift: WHAT THE FUCK NO! You better fucking not make me come *cocks gun*

PhilzaMinecraft: WOW OK CALM DOWN PUT THE GUN AWAY

boyswillbebees: what just happened 

motherduck: please stop flirting within my vicinity Schlatt, it’s weird

JaylorSchwift: Ew I’d never flirt with Wilbur that’s just gross

mymeowmeow: disgusting behaviour really, we’re just mates

igetsomanywomen: it’s just the internet Phil, he doesn’t have a gun, are you really that old?

JaylorSchwift: OH YEAH TOMMY?

[JaylorSchwift attached an image]

igetsomanywomen: WHAT THE-

mymeowmeow: shoot me

mymeowmeow: do it Schlatt

mymeowmeow: I dare you

obamaalt: UHH I WOULDN'T ENCOURAGE HIM IF I WERE YOU

hottestmanhere: is that Quackity in the background of the photo?

JaylorSchwift: yeah we were having hot, sweaty, gay sex

motherduck: ew

fatassmofo: BAHAHAHAHA YOU WISH 

hottestmanhere: WHAT THE HECK MAN, THAT'S MY FIANCÉ

JaylorSchwift: well I’m sorry that your fiancé is a hot piece of ass

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Quackity :’( this isn’t true, is it :’( you wouldn’t have an affair :’(

fatassmofo: never Karl, I love you and Sapnap too much MWA MWA MWA MWA MWA

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: SMOOCHES MWA MWA

hottestmanhere: MWA MWA MWA

igetsomanywomen: gross

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: homophobe

igetsomanywomen: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT ISN'T WHAT I MEANT KARL. YOU KNOW D A M N WELL I MEANT THE KISSING. WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP CALLING ME HOMOPHOBIC, I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN-

igetsomanywomen: LGBTQ+ IS POGCHAMP

boyswillbebees: AGREED BIG MAN

mymeowmeow: not Tommy defending himself like he’s doing a YouTuber apology

igetsomanywomen: I will be so famous one day and I won’t ever have to make an apology because everything I do is right

igetsomanywomen: you’ll see

mymeowmeow: I bet you will bro, genuinely :)

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: ok ok as sweet as this interaction is, I wanna know who’s coming so I can get a table

hottestmanhere: Me, Wilbur, forcibly Dream

teletubby: what

hottestmanhere: ALL YOU DO IS CODE

teletubby: I COME TO CLASS 

hottestmanhere: THAT'S MANDATORY

askersnotfound: doesn’t mean you have to go

hottestmanhere: ARE YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT?!

askersnotfound: no, just colourblind 

fatassmofo: I’ll be there hubby xx

JaylorSchwift: what the fuck babe

fatassmofo: and I’m dragging this giant with me

JaylorSchwift: Not a giant, you’re just short

fatassmofo: I AM NOT SHORT, I AM NOT

JaylorSchwift: sure toots and I’m not a ram

teletubby: QUACKITY IS SO FUCKING SHORT HAHAHA

motherduck: to be fair Schlatt, you are like...very tall

fatassmofo: IT’S NOT EVEN JUST THAT, HE’S JUST LIKE- HUGE 

JaylorSchwift: awww sugar tits, you didn’t need to expose your own size kink

fatassmofo: LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED SHUT UP THE FUCK UP JSCHLATT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

fatassmofo: EVERYONE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT MY HEIGHT BUT NEVER GEORGE’S OR TUBBO’S!!

boyswillbebees: that’s because I don’t deny my height, I accept it so no one can make jokes about it.

obamaalt: this kid is a genius.

askersnotfound: ok I am NOT short, I’m taller than Quackity, you guys are just weirdly tall

fatassmofo: EXACTLY 

hottestmanhere: of course a SHORT person would say that

teletubby: YOU’RE NOT MUCH TALLER THAN EITHER OF THEM SAPNAP

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: WHO THE HONK IS COMING TO CHICK-FIL-A?! COME N O W

JaylorSchwift: of course a short person wants to change topics

teletubby: fine but we are coming back to this later! Don’t think you can get off that easy! 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Get off with WHAT? BEING SHORT?!

lizardman: what the fuck just happened 

JaylorSchwift: oh hi Charlie

lizardman: oh hey Schlatt

JaylorSchwift: you like dick and balls?


	3. Chick-fil-a VS the gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap is mad cause he always forgets Chick-Fil-A sauce; Karlnap is back at it again; Niki is just a knowledgeable goddess, and Schaltt is just Schlatt.

hottestmanhere: Chick-fil-a sucks

nikikiwannakiki: tell me about it

motherduck: NIKI HI

nikikiwannakiki: PUFFY! HI!! How are you? :D

motherduck: I mean you know how I am, we were literally just hanging out, but I’m good! Just missing you :(

nikikiwannakiki: awwww I miss you too, my sweet!

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: you two are so honking cute, I want what you have

hottestmanhere: I mean, we could have that hahaha 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: WE ALREADY DO MY FIANCÉ MWA MWA MWA

hottestmanhere: TRUE MWA MWA MWA MWA

lizardman: why does Chick-fil-a suck Sapnap?

hottestmanhere: OH FUCK, YEAH THEY SUCK

teletubby: here we go

themuffinman: LANGUAGE!!!!

boyswillbebees: that rhymed :D

hottestmanhere: all I wanted was some fucking Chik-fil-a sauce.

askersnotfound: let me guess, you’re going to go on a long story rant in separate messages rather than just sending everything in one message

hottestmanhere: no that’s Karl’s thing. He’s good at telling a story with suspense and making it interesting!

hottestmanhere: like genuinely, he should write like a novel or series or SOMETHING with the talent he has! I’d totally read or watch it

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: SAPNAP YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY

hottestmanhere: ILY2 SMOOCHES

askersnotfound: ew please stop flirting with Karl through a conversation with me

hottestmanhere: Stop flirting with Dream whenever we’re even in close proximity to him then

askersnotfound: I do NOT do that

teletubby: WHAT?! HAHAHA SAPNAP WE’RE JUST FRIENDS

hottestmanhere: right…well my story isn’t even that long it’s literally just that the server pissed me off

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: man’s looked like he was about to throw hands

hottestmanhere: so everything was going great until I suddenly remembered I hadn’t ordered Chick-fil-a sauce and what’s the point in even getting it if you’re not going to have the sauce yk?

hottestmanhere: so I asked the guy at the counter if you could put sauce with my order, and this man dead ass just said no

boyswillbebees: they can just do that??

hottestmanhere: APPARENTLY?!

hottestmanhere: so, of course, I asked him why, and he said I ‘should’ve just ordered it with my food’?? I’M SORRY?? It would literally take him two seconds to grab the sauce and hand it to me

hottestmanhere: AND THAT'S LITERALLY HIS JOB

hottestmanhere: I mean, I guess he’s probably just an underpaid teenager but man

igetsomanywomen: WERE YOU A KAREN??

igetsomanywomen: DID YOU ASK TO SPEAK TO HIS MANAGER??

minuteman: AHAHA KARENAP

igetsomanywomen: shut up Ranboo that wasn’t funny

boyswillbebees: I can’t keep defending you when you always say shit like this Tommy-

hottestmanhere: I'M NOT A KAREN! I DIDN’T COMPLAIN

hottestmanhere: ...

hottestmanhere: I got schlatt to do it :)

igetsomanywomen: PUSSY BOY

igetsomanywomen: COULDN'T EVEN DEFEND HIMSELF 

hottestmanhere: I COULD’VE DEFENDED MYSELF

hottestmanhere: IT JUST WASN'T WORTH THE EFFORT

JaylorSchwift: I went up to that 3’2 kid 

JaylorSchwift: probably about the same height as Quackity

fatassmofo: wtf bae

JaylorSchwift: nonono you’re right

JaylorSchwift: he was definitely taller than Quackity

fatassmofo: what. the fuck.

JaylorSchwift: then looked him right in the eyes

JaylorSchwift: and TOLD him to get me sauce

JaylorSchwift: unlike pussy boy here, I didn’t ASK him. I put him in a situation where I was threatening him unless he did what I said :)

PhilzaMinecraft: Schlatt, you can't just do that mate. There are better ways of getting across your point

JaylorSchwift: You are so right, old man. I should’ve pulled out my gun on him

PhilzaMinecraft: NO

fatassmofo: to be fair

fatassmofo: it was hot

JaylorSchwift: I know exactly what you like Sugar Pumpkin

hottestmanhere: then, he proceeded to not give the dips to me and instead just use them for himself

JaylorSchwift: Hey, I mean I never told you I was going to give them to you.

hottestmanhere: you are such a dick

JaylorSchwift: what are you, gay?

hottestmanhere: Schlatt plz now is not the time for a sexuality crisis. I know you’re all in on the gay thing but-

JaylorSchwift: I’m not fucking gay

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: you aren’t?

lizardman: you aren’t?

obamaalt: you’re not?

mymeowmeow: I’m convinced otherwise 

fatassmofo: THEN WHAT HAVE WE BEEN DOING?

JaylorSchwift: a lot of railing. orgasms. hot, very very hot, sticky sex all night long

igetsomanywomen: that is so gross, I AM A MINOR LALALALALA

mymeowmeow: OH GOD LOOK AWAY TOMMY, LOOK AWAY

motherduck: for the love of God Schlatt, we did not need that detail

JaylorSchwift: you think that’s detail? BAHAHAHAHA

hottestmanhere: if there’s any more detail, we really do not want to know-

fatassmofo: Sugarplum, I took off my socks for you tf?

JaylorSchwift: sorry Honey Bunches, I’m a devoted catholic and we all know that Catholics misuse quotes to make them appear homophobic and use it to justify their points!

teletubby: you are a catholic, and yet you had sex before marriage??

JaylorSchwift: ew I’ve never had sex in my life

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: well that’s just a massive honking lie isn’t it

hottestmanhere: we also know that a lot of internal homophobia stems from religion...

motherduck: Schlatt we’re all welcoming here you can tell us…

fatassmofo: SO UH SAPNAP WHAT ELSE HAPPENED

hottestmanhere: OH YEAH!! Karl kindly gave me his sauce 

hottestmanhere: so all in all, Chick-fil-a is shit, Schlatt’s a dick and Karl is a wonderful angel xx

nikikiwannakiki: that was a long way to say that they’re homophobic 

hottestmanhere: they’re what sorry-

nikikiwannakiki: yeah, they’ve done and said a bunch of homophobic shit. That’s why I don’t support them.

hottestmanhere: NIKI WHY DID YOU NOT SAY SOMETHING EARLIER I WOULD HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO THE MANAGER AND CURSED HIM OUT SO FUCKING HARD

nikikiwannakiki: I’m sorry! I’ve been super busy with work and haven’t been able to log on much, same with Fundy haha! 

nikikiwannakiki: 100% honest, I thought you knew. I don’t talk to you much so I didn’t know you liked it. Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend supporting their business again x

mymeowmeow: They’re homophobic?

mymeowmeow: so they’re just like Tommy then, ok right.

igetsomanywomen: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO YOU 

askersnotfound: idk be homophobic, I’d guess

igetsomanywomen: I AM NOT HOMOPHOBIC!!

igetsomanywomen: LGBTQ RIGHTS ALWAYS AND FOREVER, I MEAN OBVIOUSLY- HOW COULD YOU NOT SAY IT?!

igetsomanywomen: I MEAN, WHO’S THE ONE THAT DIDN’T GO TO CHICK-FIL-A??

hottestmanhere: WE DIDN'T KNOW

boyswillbebees: gonna be honest Tommy, I don’t think you’re homophobic

igetsomanywomen: THANK YOU TUBSTER

boyswillbebees: homophobic? No. Misogynistic? Borderline-

igetsomanywomen: IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC OR MISOGYNISTIC

igetsomanywomen: I LOVE WOMEN

askersnotfound: says the man who treats women as one entity

mymeowmeow: Tommy stop being sexist

igetsomanywomen: I'M NOT SEXIST

nikikiwannakiki: I don’t think you’re sexist Tommy :D

igetsomanywomen: THANK YOU NIKI PLZ DONT TAKE IT BACK 

motherduck: to prove you’re not a sexist you should give me and Nikki $20 each

igetsomanywomen: THAT'S LIKE MORE THAN MY WEEKLY ALLOWANCE 

motherduck: I mean if you want to prove you aren’t sexist…

igetsomanywomen: FINE LET'S COMPROMISE- I’LL BUY YOU BOTH, LIKE, A MCDONALDS??

nikikiwannakiki: Tommy can pay for a McDonald’s date!!

motherduck: hmmm ok fine since Niki wants it

igetsomanywomen: POGCHAMP

obamaalt: speaking of fast food restaurants

obamaalt: so remember like 2 hours ago when Karl slipped in a Taco Bell

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Oh God, don’t remind me

obamaalt: I somehow managed to get #KarlFell trending on Twitter with a bunch of my other online mates-

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: YOU’RE KIDDING?!

askersnotfound: KARL IS TRENDING?? POP OFF?!

hottestmanhere: HEY, OMG THAT’S MY MAN

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Guys I’m famous now omg 

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: Chris is gonna be so proud

mymeowmeow: isn’t Chris mates with that guy Jimmy? He’s like, actually getting kinda big on yt right?

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: yeah! I’m hoping to apply to work as a cameraman for him or his brother to earn some extra cash :]

hottestmanhere: Karl, be sure to keep time for yourself and me!! You spend so much time doing everything else I get worried!!

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: I'LL ALWAYS HAVE TIME FOR YOU MWA MWA

hottestmanhere: MWA MWA MWA

fatassmofo: AND ME, TF?!

THATKILLSPEOPLE!!: OMG ALEX OF COURSE MWA MWA MWA

igetsomanywomen: Hey Quackity

fatassmofo: yeah, man?

igetsomanywomen: I just met your father

fatassmofo: you what-

igetsomanywomen: he’s my father now, I get 2 dads

boyswillbebees: I want two dads D:

minuteman: Just like Jesus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big sad, Schlackity accounts are going private on twt but it's ok because I've still got AO3! I have lots of chapters planned, just need the time to write them :D


End file.
